The Trunk of the Olive Tree

Odysseus was home at last. However, Penelope was not convinced the man that has won the contest was her true husband. She lead him into their bedroom were a large bed stood, built from the trunk of an olive tree by Odysseus. The bed had been moved and, in an outrage, Odysseus asked how that bed could have possibly been moved, the very bed he had, himself, made. Knowing that only Odysseus could have knowledge of the bed, Penelope revealed that it was a test to see if he was in fact her husband. After discovering this fact, the two settled down for a long winters nap. As for us, we lost our title as groupies and returned to the bloodstained great hall to have a last glass of wine before hiking Everest. The End.

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Death in the Great Hall

After winning the contest, Odysseus revealed himself, please there are ladies present, to the entire great hall. Telemachus killed the leader of the suitors, Amphinomus, and was called out on by Eurymachus, another suitor. Odysseus and Telemachus teamed up, like Batman and Robin, and looked kind of like this guy. While they had arrows left, Odysseus killed every suitor, along with the help of Telemachus, in the great hall. Some fought but quickly lost and were soon aware of the great and mighty power Odysseus had in his giant gut.

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The Test of the Bow

When we returned home, we were dressed as beggers because we all had become aware that over 100 chauvinistic pigs were waiting to marry Penelope, Odysseus' wife. We learned this from Telemachus, Odysseus' son, and soon made our way toward the great hall. A contest was occuring and the stakes claimed that anyone who could shoot an arrow through twelve holes created by axe heads would have Penelope's hand in marriage. None of the men were successful and, when Odysseus came as a begger, he was quickly judged but was able to shoot the arrow through the axe-heads.

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Sea Perils and Defeat

After returning from the creepy Underworld, Circe notified our crew that within our journey, we would encounter several mysterious obstacles along the way. She warned us of the sirens that would enchant us with their voices, which would make us crash, and told us all that beeswax was needed to save our ears from their devious songs. There were other dangers such as Charybdis, an evil creature of the sea, a powerful maelstrom, that would devour us, and the ship, whole. And, of course there had to be more, there was Scylla, a six headed freak with twelve legs. We thanked her and went on with our journey. After using the beeswax on our ears, we tied Odysseus to the mast of the ship so he could tell us when we had passed the sirens. Then came Scylla, yes, Scylla, the six headed, twelve legged freak, who quickly ingested six of our men. Boohoo, how sad. And, if that wasn't enough, we soon came face to face with Charydbis. Yay. The terrifying whirlpool of death could not cause our ship to sink into its malicious jaws of doom, dun dun duuuuuun, so, we continued to sail until we reached the island of Helios, the sun god. There we pigged out on his cattle and drank some more, Oo yay!, and, in return for feasting on the god's goods, Zeus decided he was going to send a gigantic lightning bolt, how frightening, to destroy our ship. It worked, and everyone died except for Odysseus, and us, of course, but that's because we have super-mystical powers. Hint hint wink wink (clap clap). From there, Odysseus began his journey home.

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The Grace of the Witch

The next stop on our wild journey lead us to the island of Aeolus, god of wind. We stayed with him for a month and before leaving, Aeolus gave Odysseus a far west wind, blowing our ships toward home, Ithica, and a gigaintic bag holding the stormy winds that might have prevented us from reaching our destination. We then departed, course set for our shores, and as we saw Ithica, some idiot aboard our ship opened the bag and releaved the evil to the world, like Pandora's box, while Odysseus was asleep. Thinking it contained gold and silver, its true contents managed to blow us onto to the island of Aeaea where only forty-five of us survived the wreckage. The goddess Circe inhabited the island and we were fearful because of rumour she was deeply involved in withcraft. Odysseus once again took command and split the crew into two groups.
Eurylochus lead the men further onto the island while the other half stayed with Odysseus on the ship to keep a watchful eye. We stood in the entrance of her spacious home and heard the rapture of her voice calling to us. For the fun of it, Circe decided to transform some of the men into a group of pigs. Odysseus heard of our distress and came to the rescue with the rest of the crew. She attempted to get Odysseus trashed however, the god, Hermes, gave to Odysseus a sprig of moly, an herb which even her powerful draught would not surpass. Odysseus, not affected by the wine, is questioned by Circe and she soon knows of his true identity, drawn from a preminition given to her by a fortune-teller who dwells in the Underworld. Circe then convinced Odysseus to stay by returning his men to their true forms. For a year, we remained, until the crew was able to draw Odyesseus from Circe bed to return to his homeland.

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